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GOVERNANCE & MINISTRY
by Dan Hotchkiss
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Learning to Underreact
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Excerpt
Photo by Jeffrey Blum on Unsplash Criticism: it’s ubiquitous in congregations. No matter how we leaders pretzel-twist ourselves to please people, we fall short—and there are always helpful, caring people who will take the time to tell us so! The worst thing we can do is overreact. Whether by proclaiming innocence or by fighting criticism with more criticism, leaders who respond too strongly only up the emotional ante. That’s why underreacting is a key skill for every leader. Underreacting is not easy. The complainers, after all, are not mere customers—in our shop, there is no counter between us and them. Clergy, in particular, are more affected than we often show. We pour ourselves out week after week, and sometimes congregants pour themselves out to us as well. Sometimes “helpful feedback” pierces our thin skin and strikes vital organs. Fight or Flight When we humans feel attacked, our fight-or-flight circuitry swings
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